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Wednesday, November 25, 2009 @ 4:45 AM
I don't know why, but i've suddenly felt a tinge of sadness that this year is about to end. Despite having been fraught with challenges, 2009 was the year in which i had the most fun in a long, long time. Somehow i have a feeling that next year won't be as smooth-sailing as this year, and therein lies my apprehension.

Speaking to the NEC senoirs the other day really prompted me to think more of what i have achieved in the previous year. No doubt i've achieved much; a lot more than i could've imagined. But why is it that i'm still feeling so down? Something is missing here.

Perhaps, it could just be due to you. I can't believe i'm saying this, i've always thought that you were somewhat out of reach; something i can only dream about but never attain. And yet, seeing you about to leave soon, i wish that i could say something. I wish that i could have used less time this year thinking and dreaming, and instead taking some sort of action. Having received a friend's message just now, i really wish that there is something i can do for you. But in actual fact, there is none.

I repeat, i can't believe i'm saying this. It's ridiculous, even to me. I was a loser from the start; never taking action, and believing that what is rightfully mine will find its way to me one day. But perhaps, that just isn't the case. The strange thing is, i've proven that some things have to be fought for, and i succeeded in making those things mine. But in your case, i never put much thought into it, dismissing it as frivolous thoughts.

I know that you'll probably never read this, but i've always held a little bit of hope. Just a little shred of hope. Looks like that wish will never be fulfilled. I may not have made much of an impression on you, but i hope that you won't forget. I know that wherever you go, you'll always be making a difference. I'll just continue doing what i do best, and do myself some serious justice.

I'm so sorry for the emo portion up there, it really wasn't supposed to turn out this way -.- But aiya, the previous year has been so insanely hectic, i never had the time to stop and think. Now that i'm finally thinking to myself and probing my own feelings, i think i've found what was that empty spot in me; something i've never quite been able to put a finger on.

But it's ok, i'm a strong believer in fate. If fate were to smile on me again, and bring you back, then maybe, just maybe, i didn't wait in vain.