Saturday, October 30, 2010 @ 7:59 AM
This is actually my fourth attempt at typing out a post. I started off with three others which i ended up deleting. I have no idea why, and i'm not the sort to hesitate too much before writing, whether is it for essays or this blog. There is usually no conflict between the 'me' that i want to present to others and the 'me' that i know myself to be. I don't believe in lying or hiding the truth, because the truth is always preferable to lies, even if the truth may not be exactly very pleasing to hear. However, it has lately occured to me that i'm being caught in a very contradictory situation. When i speak my mind, others chastise me for being arrogant and insensitive. When i try to mince my words, people say that i'm being two-faced. My question is this: So what do you want from me? There is only one of me and so much that i can tolerate. I'm not lying when i say that i try daily to live up to the expectations that other people put on me. My parents never verbalise their expectations, but it's obvious enough when they talk about me to other people. But to live up to their hopes and dreams is my duty as a daughter. So i willingly take on all of their expectations without a single complaint. Besides, i feel happy when i see them proud of me, so i don't think i'm losing out in that aspect. It gets intolerable when people around you start to view you in a certain way after not even understanding the whole magnitude and context of the situation. I admit that i do get quiet and withdrawn at times, but that's because i simply need some time away from other people, not because i'm being antisocial or arrogant or whatnot. I simply want my life to turn out the way i want it to. Is that too much to ask for?
