Saturday, May 14, 2011 @ 7:56 PM
I was waiting outside my doctor's office at the hospital on Friday, reading Broader Perspectives, feeling cold, sick, tired and utterly at odds with the world. I'm not in a depressed state, but my current bout of illness (yes, AGAIN) has left me in a very poor physical and emotional state of health. The awful investiture rehearsals has done nothing but aggravated my condition. How am i supposed to recover if things continually tick me off? So while i was waiting for my turn, i was telling Yue Xiang over SMS about some things that have happened in the past week or so. A particular part of our conversation left a very deep impression on me. I've known Yue Xiang for more than 10 years perhaps; ever since we were in primary school. I was just bemoaning to her that morality no longer exists in this world; and her reply to me was 'Where adults exist, morality doesn't exist'. And that got me thinking. I find it mildly disturbing that such a conversation took place between two girls who have known each other ever since they were children. Right now, we're both 19 and living in a different world, facing challenges that were beyond our grasp just 2 or 3 years ago when we parted ways after secondary school. Suddenly it occurred to me that we were all being thrust into a world which we perhaps aren't that ready to face. Nevertheless, whether we're ready or not, it appears that we now have no choice. Either face it head on or lose in this rat race. My point is that trying is preferable to giving up; at least give yourself a fighting chance to succeed on equal terms rather than give up and have zero chance of ever succeeding. The thought of leaving MI next year intimidates me now. It's as though all my insecurities, fears and troubles hit home with just that one statement from Yue Xiang. Still, i wholeheartedly agree with her. I feel proud at the fact that we have matured so much, but yet i feel saddened that all of the optimism and hope that we felt as children have all faded off into nothingness.I lost faith in human morality a long time ago. But sometimes, maybe, just maybe, that little bit of faith can do wonders.