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Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 5:13 AM
It's been a little while since i've last posted, and plenty has changed in that span of time. Some good, some not so good, but to fulfill my latest policy of ignorance, i shall not dwell on the not so good things.

First of all, life is going to be different from now on. How different, i don't know and i don't really want to know, but it will certainly be different. Accepting the presidency of the NE Council has perhaps been one of the most painful decisions of my life. Not that i was given much of a choice, but i am actually entitled to back out if i feel that i am not up to it. Even after accepting it, i'm still plagued with insecurities everyday since then. And it doesn't help when everybody keeps reminding me to maintain the standard of my studies and at the same time, preserve the image, credibility and reputation of the NE Council. The road ahead is not going to be easy.

Yet, i must thank the 6th and 7th NEC for the amount of faith that has been shown in me. I promise i won't be a disappointment (:

And yet.....

I haven't forgotten about you.

I've been thinking more about you lately, and definitely a lot more than usual. Sometimes i wish that i can just give up all the hopes that i have of you. Why put myself through so much pain in order to attain a dream which is not even within my reach? I sometimes even hope that something will happen; something that will crush my image of you so i can stop pinning for you so hopelessly in this manner. With every day that passes, my frustration grows. Why is it that i am unable to get through to you no matter how hard i try? We may be fairly close, but what of that if i'm not even able to convey something relatively simple to you?

I may sound cross, but all that i feel for you is tenderness and nothing else. Can't you feel it in the way i look at you, even in the way i only show my weaknesses in front of you and only you?

I really don't know what i should do. I've never felt so out of control and out of tune with my own life before. And you're the reason why.

The hike this morning up to Mount Faber with Ma Xin, Si Ying and Wei Liang was a good one. At least it helped me to clear some of the mental cobwebs that i've been plagued with for the entire week.