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Saturday, March 13, 2010 @ 7:13 AM
My official report for Common Tests are out.

H1 GP - E
H1 Math - B
H2 Geography - A
H2 Economics - B
H2 Literature - B

Not bad, you will say. Sure, it really isn't all that bad. But why do i still feel such a strong sense of unease looking at this list? Am i over-focusing on that E for GP? Or am i envisioning the As and Bs falling to Cs, Ds, or even Es by Promo 1? I swear i won't take these results for granted. After so much reiteration by the teachers (Mr Toh, Mr Sham, Mr Yew) about my presidency and my new-found responsibilities, i've resolved to work even harder from now on, no matter what it takes.

This is how reality is like; it comes in spurts of moments. It hits you right in the face without yourself even realising it. And before you know it, life suddenly becomes a lot darker. You're unable to pull yourself out of that abyss of desperation.

Someone once commented that i'm the sort of person who puts too much hope and too much stake on the things that i cannot achieve; rather than on the things that i know i can achieve. This is why i always end up sorely disappointed and unable to accept reality. Maybe, just maybe, this could perhaps be true.

Maybe it's time i learnt to grow up and stop toying with dreams that are so far out of my reach.

Cheryl, i just want you to know that i completely empathise with you, and that you're not going through this alone. If you ever feel insecure again, just remember that life is about making mistakes and learning from them. We must accept pain as a way to enrich ourselves and grow in maturity. It may be a cruel reality that's hard to swallow, but i believe that you are stronger than that (: The two of us may be on the same bloody boat that we're trying so hard to get out of, but i promise that i'll stand by you whatever you may choose to embark on. And when times get hard, there's always me you can count on (: So enough about the insecurities, and embrace what truly matters to you right now. I'll speak for myself here as well. Life WILL get better, trust me (:

To put things into perspective, you're truly someone i do not want to give up on. But if the time comes when it becomes apparent enough that i will have to let go eventually, i will. And i promise myself that that process will be as painless as possible. If i desire to be truly happy, what stock do others' thoughts and feelings hold in my heart?

None. None at all.