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Thursday, June 17, 2010 @ 6:19 AM
I'm think i'm just getting tired of life and it's many obstacles. Makes me wish that i can just run away and hide forever.

I know. This doesn't sound like me at all. I've always prided myself in being able to face problems head on, and even find workable solutions to them. This particular trait is, for some inexplicable reason, very firmly ingrained in my attitude towards my studies. But for some unknown reason, it does not manifest itself when i'm handling relationships. Running away and hiding seems to be a more attractive option for me.

While in secondary school, i once received a very good piece of advice from a very special teacher.

'The Earth is round. No matter how you try to run away from your problems, you'll always find them catching up with you in the end. And the longer you leave problems untouched, the higher the possibility of them getting even more complicated and eventually, harder to solve.'

These were the exact words that she said but i can still remember it word for word even after more than a year. Maybe that was what prompted me back then to pick myself out of a vicious cycle of self-pity, low self-esteem and low confidence.

Now that i've managed to pick myself up and move on, i realise that i still do hang on to the past way too tightly and stifle my progress in the present. Both Soleha and Cheryl read my previous blog post, and i must say that they are part of only a handful of people who can truly empathise with me.

I don't overload myself with activities just to numb my emotions. Neither do i shun company sometimes because i'm deliberately antisocial. I just want my life to be for myself. To do what i want, and to not allow others to force me into sticky situations. I absolutely despise being put into a position which i did not choose and suffer for other peoples' misdoings.

Thanks to Fikri for listening to me bemoan my messed-up self last night (: It's good to have people like him bring me back to reality, rather than live in my own idealistic world and hurt myself unnecessarily in the process.

I have to find it in myself to face up to my own emotions and the people associated with it. Only then will i be able to pull myself out of this emotional whirlwind.